i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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