HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
