i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
