I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I think my vagina is haunted
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Randomize