Can i not drive my cunt home
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
