I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
