I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
