areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Randomize
