butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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