I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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