I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
