You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
