he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize