And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
