he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
