was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
