I think scott just propositioned me for sex
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
