Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
ugly people sure do ruin things
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
