Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
