Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
