Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
