just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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