So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
