I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
