Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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