I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
