I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
