I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
