Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
