im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
