You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
