I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
