She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
