does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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