No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
3pm strippers are depressing
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
