I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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