Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
