this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
