maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
