he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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