he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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