why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
