then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
