i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
