Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
