If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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