You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
