sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
