:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
