bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
