fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
