I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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