CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
