you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
