she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
