The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
