She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
