i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Randomize
