i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
is that a dick in a sweater?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
