just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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