I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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