I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
there was a trapeze. enough said
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
