mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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