So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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