It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize