I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
